Talking Too Much

I'm sure you or someone you know has run into someone that just likes to talk a lot.  I mean there are NTs out there that just like to talk to strangers about what's on their mind and have no problem with it.  What's difficult is that if you're an aspie and have sensory issues with people.  Now me personally, I don't worry too much about it.  I just nod my head, avoid eye contact, look at the person's neck or whatever.  I listen, but I don't always follow what is said if it's of no interest to me.

I know that some aspies out there have a very difficult time with people like that.  They don't like it when people go on and on and on, but I guess no one really does exactly.  But to an aspie it can be rather uncomfortable.

Now here's something interesting.  Aspies have sensory issues on that.  Then other aspies don't.  And then there are aspies that do just that.  But they go on and on about the same thing and the only real interest they have, going into every detail with the NT, aspie, whatever, not understanding, because the aspie has so much knowledge of that one subject and not filling in details to help clarify what they're talking about.  It's hard for some aspies to acknowledge that not everybody understands some of the necessary details the person would need to know to understand.

I talk to my parents or relatives or whomever else I know about my computers and occasionally, if I'm even that talkative and I usually am not, I get into what I'm saying and I'll say something about my laptop coming with an Intel i5 processor instead of an i3 that was advertised and being pleasantly surprised by it.  And getting the response as a question like "Is that good?"  I'm always into the technical specs of a machine.  Or when I can't beat an enemy in an rpg, I'll just say I need to level up more.  That prompts the response, "What do you mean?"  RPGs seem to be a niche market where only certain types of gamers enjoy that kind of thing and they have an expansive knowledge of how those games play out, including the leveling system, character stats, what their abilities are, etc.  And people outside looking at it are thinking "what the hell is all that?" or "I totally don't understand this game you're playing."

And now you see what I mean, I've gone on for at least a little bit on the subjects that interest me.  Technology and video games, specifically RPGs.  So basically we might have a bigger knowledge of things and quite simply not understanding how to explain it to someone else that isn't into that sort of thing.  And we get the same way with NTs.  We don't get them either sometimes.

But all in all who understands everyone or anyone enough?  We may bother NTs or even other aspies.  And sometimes even NTs get to us, even though we might understand what they're talking about.  So are you an aspie that talks a lot on one subject?  Or does socializing with someone that talks an awful lot even if they are NTs?

Ever have a thing for an anime character? Is anime more real to you?

I have to admit I've had things for certain anime characters.  Certain female anime characters.  And to me I just feel more when I watch certain animes with emotion in them like "Clannad" or "Air".  I actually have emotional outlets with them that I can't seem to have in real life.

Anyways, what this was originally supposed to be about was having a certain thing for certain characters, not necessarily in emotional scenes or animes.  I used to have a big thing for Ukyou Kuonji from "Ranma 1/2."  I really miss seeing the vhs recordings we had of them.  I think I'm going to collect that on dvd next.  Ukyou was this spatula wielding tomboy.  She had the looks I like in a girl.  Long black hair and cute.  That basically sums it up there.  Of course the anime wouldn't be complete without all the "Ranma loves who?" stuff.  Come on Ranma, you know you want Ukyou.  You two have a childhood history.

I was then big on Sango from "Inuyasha."  Again with the long black hair?  Yeah, yeah.  I have a plushie of her.  Don't think I could get one of Ukyou.  Never did see one.  Wait, same author and the fact that they both wield a giant weapon.  What gives here.  lol  Is there a fetish for giant weapons?  No.  lol.  Coincidence I guess.  

What about Tsabaki from "Soul Eater."  Yep.  Long dark hair and this time she IS a weapon!  Ok, weird.  lol  I swear there's no pattern here as far as weapons.  

So what about you?  Do you have a thing for anime characters?  Do you have more emotion through tv than real life?

Social Sensory Issues

So, sensory issues.  I think it's a given that I can barely look people in the eyes.  I guess one on one I'm find with people I know, but when in groups or with people I don't know.  Even then, sometimes I keep my eyes in close proximity of the person, but not in their eyes most of the time.  That's a problem.  And this is expected in social interaction.  In fact, in the world we live in, it's imperative.

Being around people isn't so much a problem.  I can walk into a Walmart and look around a lot.  I hang out in the electronics section a lot.  I don't particularly like being asked if someone can help me.  If I want help with something, I'll ask, thank you.

I've had jobs in the past where I had to interact with people and that's an issue, especially with customers.  That was totally a bad move on my part, taking that job.  But I may have said it in a past post, but I didn't have a diagnosis of such for AS, so I thought I could do it.  In fact I was using it as a way to get data entry experience for a desk job.  I now have 4 years experience for that, now, so hopefully that wasn't such a bad move after all.  Anyways, the crowds, the larger they were the worse they were.  It became more exhausting to talk to people.  I talked as little as necessary or less than necessary (more appropriately).  I got worse and worse at the job, because with all the sensory issues, I just didn't even want to try anymore.

Here's another problem.  I have this female friend that I've known for a good chunk of my life that has been there for me at times and I'm glad she was and still is, but she likes to "try" to make me smile.  She knows I have AS.  I've told her on more than a couple occasions that I'm not comfortable with being poked and prodded several times or tickled.  I don't care if she wasn't married and I was looking at her as a gf, I just don't like that.

Once I get used to people I can take a hug once in a while.  I guess in that sense I'm like a cat, if I want it, I'll let you know.  Otherwise, leave me be.  I need my space.

In the end if I get too much of any of these social sensory issues, I need a nap or something.  Frankly, it's exhausting.

Sorry about slow updates...

I apologize for the slow updates. You see along with my AS, I have anxiety. I take klonopin as one of medications. This has been a great relief for me for quite a while, however now this med has become a problem.

For the last few months I've had problems with the physical symptoms of anxiety. Also I have had some short mental anxiety issues. I've become lethargic. I am on the max dosage of klonopin (4mg throughout the day.).

The lethargic part is making my brain not work so well, so I have had no idea what to write about. This is all I can think of.

I may need to ween off of the med and that will be rough. I feel like I have a physical dependency to it and since it's not working right anymore that is what I will have to do.

I'll try harder in the future to write once a week.

Emotional Anime and Being an Aspie

I've been drawn to emotional animes for quite awhile and now I think I know why.  They make me cry and they make me feel emotions that I don't otherwise get.  I believe what I'm unfortunately doing when watching drama animes like Clannad, Air, and Kannon is replacing people and feelings with something that I can more closely hang onto, since it is so hard for me to get close to anyone.  This makes me kind of sad sometimes.  I desperately want to have at least one offline close friendship, heck I want to go as far as having a girlfriend, but I really don't see that happening.  I'm not able to get close to people without the internet, even online as many friends as I have I only have one close friendship there,  I don't know how well that'd translate if I ever met him off the net and it's not that I'm afraid.  I'm not.  But without a means to meet people that I can really relate to, like the internet, I wouldn't have the friend or even friends I have now.  I just wish there was someone close by that I wasn't afraid to get close to, that shared the same interests, feelings and everything.

Now as far as the girlfriend thing goes, I'm kind of picky.  I'm stuck on looks.  She doesn't have to look perfect, but I do have a problem getting past looks no matter what.  It kind of makes me feel shallow, but I know that's not entirely true, because even if I found a person attractive looking, if they aren't enough like me, I wouldn't be able to form a relationship.

Anyways, I like my emotional animes and I guess I like them, because I experience feelings that I have a hard time otherwise feeling.

Thoughts on E3 '11

The problem with being a clumsy computer loving aspie

*sigh* t t t t t .... Ok, so accidents happen.  Even accidents that can cost you hundreds of dollars.  This happens a lot with cars and I guess with computers, too.  Unfortunately, I don't have insurance on computer parts, but the good news is that the damaged part is not terribly expensive.  *sigh*

I recently had to buy a new power supply (the computer's graphics card was already underpowered), a graphics card (which was damaged from overheating, possibly from too much dust and dirt, and a blower.

So I get the parts out and oops, I knock the caged hard drive onto the concrete.  I had hoped that nothing happened, so I put everything together as normal.  Let's just say that I'm glad that have all my necessities backed up on a usb hard drive.

This is not fun.  Not fun at all.  I'm not sure where my backup version of Windows Vista is as it's not labeled. I have those disks and a windows upgrade disk, then to copy everything back to where it belongs.  This is going to be a daunting task and I don't like it one bit.

I'm coping with this.  I have some anxiety and I think about what I'm going to have to do to get it working again, but it's not like I used to be.  Normally I'd be very anxious about how big a task it's going to be, but then I realize that I had to put my backup stuff on my laptop, too and get it all set up the way I wanted and it took hours or even days.  *sigh*  It's just going to be a big project is all, I guess.