Monday, January 24, 2011
Life Can Be a Bunch of Random BS
Crap is handed to you, not because of you. It has nothing to do with what you are, what you look like or how you act. It has everything to with nothing. Life is filled with random acts with random targets. Some of the crap people go through is karma, but mostly it's random. We just need to learn to deal with it.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Self-conscience and Afraid of What Others Think?
For as long as I've been around I've been afraid of what others think of me and this means everybody. It seemed for a while that it was getting better and it was. I was diagnosed at first with Social Anxiety, which I still have a little bit of. I am indeed afraid of what other think.
As I became more myself on the inside and how my thoughts and my core self grew I was less afraid. Now I've started doing videos on youtube. I've got good feedback and bad feedback. I take it that some just aren't comfortable with themselves, so that when they see me expressing myself they're too embarrassed about the way they act and they lash out.
I finally came to terms with the fact that people will never learn either and to let karma and god take its course and for my own selfish desire to stop the pain, I forgive them. This doesn't mean that I don't still have difficulties doing it, but when it passes it passes.
There are things about myself and my personal beliefs that I am self-conscious about. On facebook I made it a point to put up a couple links and comments pointing out how I feel about churches, though I am Christian, and their beliefs. You see they all point to the bible, which to me is flawed by the fact that we as human are not perfect. The links and comments I left really were nothing more than me saying that as an Aspie some things about churches and their dogma go against my logical grain. I have a need to believe, but can't bring myself to think that God is the way the churches describe.
Now I know the last part dragged a little bit, but I was painting a picture of one of the things that I'm still self-conscious about. Why? Because of family for one. And another is that the typical believer is against much of what I think. But I think it's my family that makes it so hard to not be self-conscious about it.
So it's like my self-consciousness has taken a turn backwards. Perhaps if I can raise the issue of Aspies having their own ways of thinking I can somehow, at the very least, be forgiven (as they would see it) of my personal beliefs. And then be more comfortable with myself again. I am afraid to speak online, with my family seeing it, what I think, say or feel. Because that's what I like doing. I like expressing myself whether written or on video. And hopefully what I say can help someone else.
As I became more myself on the inside and how my thoughts and my core self grew I was less afraid. Now I've started doing videos on youtube. I've got good feedback and bad feedback. I take it that some just aren't comfortable with themselves, so that when they see me expressing myself they're too embarrassed about the way they act and they lash out.
I finally came to terms with the fact that people will never learn either and to let karma and god take its course and for my own selfish desire to stop the pain, I forgive them. This doesn't mean that I don't still have difficulties doing it, but when it passes it passes.
There are things about myself and my personal beliefs that I am self-conscious about. On facebook I made it a point to put up a couple links and comments pointing out how I feel about churches, though I am Christian, and their beliefs. You see they all point to the bible, which to me is flawed by the fact that we as human are not perfect. The links and comments I left really were nothing more than me saying that as an Aspie some things about churches and their dogma go against my logical grain. I have a need to believe, but can't bring myself to think that God is the way the churches describe.
Now I know the last part dragged a little bit, but I was painting a picture of one of the things that I'm still self-conscious about. Why? Because of family for one. And another is that the typical believer is against much of what I think. But I think it's my family that makes it so hard to not be self-conscious about it.
So it's like my self-consciousness has taken a turn backwards. Perhaps if I can raise the issue of Aspies having their own ways of thinking I can somehow, at the very least, be forgiven (as they would see it) of my personal beliefs. And then be more comfortable with myself again. I am afraid to speak online, with my family seeing it, what I think, say or feel. Because that's what I like doing. I like expressing myself whether written or on video. And hopefully what I say can help someone else.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
"13: Game of Death" - Movie Review
If you're looking for a movie with some similarities to Saw, try "13: Game of Death." It's a Thai thriller you can enjoy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)