Many of us aspies go on to do great things. They work. They find their niche or calling in life and it's a hard road for some of those people. For some it's not hard so much ad it is a lot of learning of society. So there are aspies that generally get along just fine in life.
This is sometimes or even all the time an invisible disorder. Many regular folk see them as nothing but quirky or unusual individuals. Or they may come off as rude jerks when they don't intend to be. Soviet wears down on some of those folks, because they don't know how to cope with others.
Again this is an invisible disability. Some work around it and some have to have
More help with it. Sensory issues that u can go on forever about are problems if another kind. This also gets in the way of working. Social issues, working under a boss with certain expectations.
Those are what I worry about. I've had jobs let me go for various reasons, because I didn't work up to their expectations or I didn't get along well in their work place.
This brings me to having to get social security disability and SSI and food stamps. It's crazy what people talk about behind your back, the looks you get when you use a FS card, the "we gotta work do we don't let people on welfare down" comments. I known they mainly mean people that cheat the system and get it to do whatever, but they look at us aspies and think we're ripping the system and them off. They can't see (understandable sometimes), they refuse to accept the vey idea of us having a disability, and they're too lazy to stop and think that there are just things that they don't understand and it's best to say "we don't understand or see, but that doesn't mean anything."
So stop and think about things for a moment. You don't know the whole story and we may not want you to know the whole story. Our life is none of your business. It's best to leave it alone.
I sympathize with all of those going through this very same thing. One thing we must understand is that it's easier for them to get upset about it, because our problems are not something they can and will understand.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
EARTHQUAKE
So, I live in northern PA far from the epicenter of the 5.8 magnitude earthquake that shook much of the eastern coast. I was on the porch and I felt the porch move in a circular type shake motion and I looked around for a second, thinking a kid was shaking the porch, but I realized that wasn't even possible, especially how much it shook. I'm not saying it was much, but it was certainly not a big truck or anything like that. Far from it. I look over at my mom and ask "What's that?" and she didn't seem to know what I was talking about till she felt it herself. They said on tv that it lasted about 20 seconds, but I don't remember it being that long, but it sure could have been several seconds, now that I think about it.
I get on my iPhone after sitting there for awhile and I see on facebook that several of my friends experienced the quake and I see news posts, so I went and turned on CNN. People had evacuated buildings and such. Now I know I wasn't there and they have to be careful that nothing worse comes along, but this quake wasn't too bad. There was some damage to a monument. There was damage to two water pipes at the pentagon. Over all we fared pretty well over here. So Californians think that's nothing and they're right, because they're used to them and we aren't. The thing is we're in a different situation. We don't get very many here, so naturally we're going to be a little anxious about it and many people are afraid because they remember what Japan just went through earlier this year. I can see why someone would be anxious and I have anxiety that goes along with my Aspergers. I didn't feel anxious. Actually I was kind of interested and intrigued by the earthquake. And so this comes along just before the upcoming hurricane. So we have people on an e-mail group joking about the end of the world. To some people that's no joke, but to them I say, if you believe these are the signs written about, think about over the years what people went through. Economic trials, big storms, earthquakes. Nothing new about all this really. We snap back to where we were eventually. It's just going to come back and go away. It's kind of like a cycle, really. I'm not worried. The only thing I think about is what Japan went through and how they were struck much harder and we have it easy and people are worried over nothing, even if I do understand how they may feel.
This is the strongest tremor I've felt in my life, but again I wasn't worried. It was sort of a curious thing to me to feel that.
I get on my iPhone after sitting there for awhile and I see on facebook that several of my friends experienced the quake and I see news posts, so I went and turned on CNN. People had evacuated buildings and such. Now I know I wasn't there and they have to be careful that nothing worse comes along, but this quake wasn't too bad. There was some damage to a monument. There was damage to two water pipes at the pentagon. Over all we fared pretty well over here. So Californians think that's nothing and they're right, because they're used to them and we aren't. The thing is we're in a different situation. We don't get very many here, so naturally we're going to be a little anxious about it and many people are afraid because they remember what Japan just went through earlier this year. I can see why someone would be anxious and I have anxiety that goes along with my Aspergers. I didn't feel anxious. Actually I was kind of interested and intrigued by the earthquake. And so this comes along just before the upcoming hurricane. So we have people on an e-mail group joking about the end of the world. To some people that's no joke, but to them I say, if you believe these are the signs written about, think about over the years what people went through. Economic trials, big storms, earthquakes. Nothing new about all this really. We snap back to where we were eventually. It's just going to come back and go away. It's kind of like a cycle, really. I'm not worried. The only thing I think about is what Japan went through and how they were struck much harder and we have it easy and people are worried over nothing, even if I do understand how they may feel.
This is the strongest tremor I've felt in my life, but again I wasn't worried. It was sort of a curious thing to me to feel that.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Discouraged About People
So, I guess this feeling started with being rejected on an online dating service and I should be used to that or being ignored on those sites. *sigh* Everyone wants someone who is financially secure and/or working. They have to do "adult stuff" for fun like go to the bar once in a while, etc. They'd frown upon video game players, cartoon/anime watchers or people who aren't very social adept.
I get discouraged from it, but I bounce back eventually (not more than a day). But I dunno, right now I feel like people are judgmental, opinionated, pushy, and rude. They frown at you when you check out with a food stamp card and they think that a disability has to be visible to be there.
They say they have to go to work or the people on soc sec are going to be disappointed. >.< UGH! They don't even realize the hell I've been through. Just because it's not visible doesn't mean it doesn't exist! If you've never felt it, then you don't know what it's like, so think about that before you go and say something stupid about something you don't understand. I don't care if you don't understand, you should at least have the decency to say "I don't know. I may not understand, but who am I to judge? I can't judge anything I don't know anything about." I mean, I try to understand a lot of things and I may not understand some things that people have or are, but because I'm different in my own way means that I don't know enough to judge. I at least try to understand stuff. I make an effort, but these people are so close minded that they don't want to think about it. Maybe it's just too much work to use your head a little. >.<
I just would say to them, "if you've felt like that at one time or another, try imagining that pain and irritation or what have you and imagine you have it day after day after day." Hell, isn't it? Hell, but you learn to deal to some degree. I mean, my anxiety isn't too bad in many situations now, so i'm getting along better, but my ASD gets in my way from working and I need to find something that suits me more where as with most people they take what they can get. It's not necessarily good for them in the long run, but they can say they're strong and put up with it as long as they have to. I know people like that and sometimes the job wears down on them, but they're strong enough that a little vacation is all they need to get back on their feet. Not me. not me...
I tried to stop blaming myself a long time ago and for the most part I have, but when you see how people react to you when you don't have a job or what not, it can be pretty discouraging and hurtful.
I get discouraged from it, but I bounce back eventually (not more than a day). But I dunno, right now I feel like people are judgmental, opinionated, pushy, and rude. They frown at you when you check out with a food stamp card and they think that a disability has to be visible to be there.
They say they have to go to work or the people on soc sec are going to be disappointed. >.< UGH! They don't even realize the hell I've been through. Just because it's not visible doesn't mean it doesn't exist! If you've never felt it, then you don't know what it's like, so think about that before you go and say something stupid about something you don't understand. I don't care if you don't understand, you should at least have the decency to say "I don't know. I may not understand, but who am I to judge? I can't judge anything I don't know anything about." I mean, I try to understand a lot of things and I may not understand some things that people have or are, but because I'm different in my own way means that I don't know enough to judge. I at least try to understand stuff. I make an effort, but these people are so close minded that they don't want to think about it. Maybe it's just too much work to use your head a little. >.<
I just would say to them, "if you've felt like that at one time or another, try imagining that pain and irritation or what have you and imagine you have it day after day after day." Hell, isn't it? Hell, but you learn to deal to some degree. I mean, my anxiety isn't too bad in many situations now, so i'm getting along better, but my ASD gets in my way from working and I need to find something that suits me more where as with most people they take what they can get. It's not necessarily good for them in the long run, but they can say they're strong and put up with it as long as they have to. I know people like that and sometimes the job wears down on them, but they're strong enough that a little vacation is all they need to get back on their feet. Not me. not me...
I tried to stop blaming myself a long time ago and for the most part I have, but when you see how people react to you when you don't have a job or what not, it can be pretty discouraging and hurtful.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Changes in my socialization seem positive.
Things seem to be getting better. I fooled the new nurse at the mental health clinic into thinking I was looking into her eyes when my eyes were off in slightly off directions. Chin, mouth, off to the sides a bit, forehead, etc. It's something that aspies have learned to deal with. At times I do still find discomfort in looking into the eyes when I try.
The funny thing is that for the last couple months I've just been noting more talkativeness in appointments, mostly with my therapist. I've had a lot to talk about on the subject and a little on off topics, too. That's rare for me, but this doesn't always translate outside the place. Maybe it's the comfort of being there. But the nurse was new to me. She just told me to tell her about myself and I did. Whatever came to mind. Not sure what's caused some of this change.
Maybe if this keeps up I can see more positive changes. I do still isolate a little bit. I come out of it now and then when not forced to. There's little change there. It seems I need to try harder at least things are more encouraging now.
The funny thing is that for the last couple months I've just been noting more talkativeness in appointments, mostly with my therapist. I've had a lot to talk about on the subject and a little on off topics, too. That's rare for me, but this doesn't always translate outside the place. Maybe it's the comfort of being there. But the nurse was new to me. She just told me to tell her about myself and I did. Whatever came to mind. Not sure what's caused some of this change.
Maybe if this keeps up I can see more positive changes. I do still isolate a little bit. I come out of it now and then when not forced to. There's little change there. It seems I need to try harder at least things are more encouraging now.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Should I someday start my own computer business?
I've been slowly reading John Elder Robison's book "Look Me in the Eye." It can be rather inspiring. I've always been interested in electronics myself, but I'm not really the engineer type. I like the end product myself. I'm a computer lover and I have upgraded and even built a computer before. The very idea of making this into a job of my own has crossed my mind several times, but I feel I need some ideas of how to do it. I'm confident enough that I can do this.
I did have one hang up when I built my first computer, though. Thing is, it seems that I got the blue screen of death several times, randomly. I took it to two different people, neither of which could figure out what was truly wrong with it. I eventually sold it for way under what it cost to put it together. I figured on selling it for parts or something. I took the hard drive out, because I didn't feel that having had private information on it, despite having reformatted it. The guy who got it said it's been working for quite awhile, so I'm pleased with that. I did have some kind of inkling that it had something to do with that, because it didn't start doing that till after I tried partition it and the partitioning failed. I reformatted it and re-installed and that didn't help the problem. But the two computer repair people didn't seem to think so. Oh well, now I know that if I didn't know, they didn't know, and having taken the hard drive out and someone using a new one and having it work for them, then it doesn't mean I suck at building and repairing. Some things are just unknown even to other techies.
My first step will have to be to acquire a job that pays enough. I can't picture myself living off of SSD or SSI forever as I am now. And that certainly isn't enough to get me started in career of my own.
After making enough money, I could do research. I'd look at ebay and see what computers with what specifications are going for and compare that to how much it would cost to put them all together. Seems simple enough. Then I'd know just what I'd be making and whether it'd be worth it. In fact, if this started to go real well, then I could see myself doing a few a week, if necessary. The more money I make, the more I can put together and eventually I could make enough to make a living off of it. I can also guarantee my work for 90 days. And of course those 90 days start as soon as the tracking number shows when it was or will be delivered.
But I can see one problem with this. Taxes. How do I do tax work on my earnings? And what about the obligatory state taxes for those that buy within my state of residence? That's something I know nothing about.
So as I think about it, I really need to acquire some more knowledge in order to get this started.
I did have one hang up when I built my first computer, though. Thing is, it seems that I got the blue screen of death several times, randomly. I took it to two different people, neither of which could figure out what was truly wrong with it. I eventually sold it for way under what it cost to put it together. I figured on selling it for parts or something. I took the hard drive out, because I didn't feel that having had private information on it, despite having reformatted it. The guy who got it said it's been working for quite awhile, so I'm pleased with that. I did have some kind of inkling that it had something to do with that, because it didn't start doing that till after I tried partition it and the partitioning failed. I reformatted it and re-installed and that didn't help the problem. But the two computer repair people didn't seem to think so. Oh well, now I know that if I didn't know, they didn't know, and having taken the hard drive out and someone using a new one and having it work for them, then it doesn't mean I suck at building and repairing. Some things are just unknown even to other techies.
My first step will have to be to acquire a job that pays enough. I can't picture myself living off of SSD or SSI forever as I am now. And that certainly isn't enough to get me started in career of my own.
After making enough money, I could do research. I'd look at ebay and see what computers with what specifications are going for and compare that to how much it would cost to put them all together. Seems simple enough. Then I'd know just what I'd be making and whether it'd be worth it. In fact, if this started to go real well, then I could see myself doing a few a week, if necessary. The more money I make, the more I can put together and eventually I could make enough to make a living off of it. I can also guarantee my work for 90 days. And of course those 90 days start as soon as the tracking number shows when it was or will be delivered.
But I can see one problem with this. Taxes. How do I do tax work on my earnings? And what about the obligatory state taxes for those that buy within my state of residence? That's something I know nothing about.
So as I think about it, I really need to acquire some more knowledge in order to get this started.
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