Friday, July 29, 2011

Ending a chapter in my life that was already over

Not long ago, maybe a few months.  I was still very angry at my former high school (and those going there that gave problems) for not taking the appropriate action in addressing my problems.  To me it was all about them trying to stop me from making trouble when I was the victim in it all.

I used to blow my top at the slightest snide remake made about me or to me.  Mild to moderate, I was bullied.  I was the victim.  I made it a point and I shouted out loud that I was always the victim and that I was being singled out for "behavioral problems."  The gave me counseling.  They did everything to shut me up.  Still I persisted.  My meltdowns continued throughout my high school life.  And for years after I would not let it go.  I was so pissed about it and I would never ever let it go until someone turned back the clock and literally just made everyone act like decent human beings.  In the end of 12th grade I was isolated a lot to do my school work in peace.

But I have come to an understanding.  I didn't know about aspergers or mild autism.  They didn't either.  I didn't know why I was different.  They didn't either.  I didn't know why I was singled out.  They had their own ideas.  I didn't know why I couldn't just ignore it and move on.  Neither did they.  I had no idea how to get over their abusive words.  The school.  The counseling.  They didn't help.  They didn't know how.  They didn't know about aspergers.  They didn't know that I was mildly autistic.  We didn't know.

How can they help what they don't understand?  How can I get help when even I didn't understand myself?  In the end how can I blame ignorance?  How can I blame someone that hasn't got the foggiest what they're up against?  So that's it.  I have no choice but to forgive.  How do you forgive?  You forgive, because they don't understand.  They don't know your thoughts  They can't feel the same way you do.  You can't read minds.  They can't read yours.  You can tell them everything you know how to tell them, but that doesn't help either, does it?  No.  Telling someone something doesn't change anything.  They have to FEEL what you feel.  They have to truly dig deep into your mind.  They would have to be a bloody mind reader!

Forget it!  Forgive it!  And move on.  Come to the understanding that they cannot understand without being you for a little while.  There's no cure for their ignorance.  The only thing you can do is let it go.  Let things slide.  Forgive it.  Forget it.  And move on...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Supernatural: The Anime

Supernatural Anime DVD Give-Away

I haven't seen the anime version myself yet, but I'm a huge fan of the original CW hit show and was from the very beginning.  Obviously loving anime, too, this is pretty much a no brainer.  Hurry up and enter, because the winners will be announced on the 28th.

Source Code, Dylan Dog, Supernatural: The Anime Series DVDs

Above is Attack of the Show's Chris Gore reviewing the anime.  He's never seen the actual show before, not big  on some of the cutesy anime-ish things, but he loved the anime version of this show.  Here's hoping this gets him to watch the original live action series.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

"Cuddle Hormone" As a Treatment for Autism

'Cuddle Hormone' Possible Treatment For Autism

I saw this article posted on a Facebook autism Group and I thought I'd share it.

It sounds like this hormone benefits autistic people, kids and adults, socially.  I always thought of autism as being something that you couldn't really change as far as social problems, because no matter how you cope with it, the problem is still there, because of your neurological workings.  This suggests that autistics don't get enough of this hormone and that getting more of this hormone can make us more socially aware.

Many autistics go on how they don't want to be cured, because if they cure, it would take away their gifts and such, but this isn't a cure and there probably won't be one.  But this is a good possibility for those like me that have social issues.

What it doesn't say though is whether or not this helps people who are deterred from socializing or like to isolate themselves for whatever reason.  This is my problem.  I'm unsure whether it'd actually help me enough to go out and meet people.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Talking Too Much

I'm sure you or someone you know has run into someone that just likes to talk a lot.  I mean there are NTs out there that just like to talk to strangers about what's on their mind and have no problem with it.  What's difficult is that if you're an aspie and have sensory issues with people.  Now me personally, I don't worry too much about it.  I just nod my head, avoid eye contact, look at the person's neck or whatever.  I listen, but I don't always follow what is said if it's of no interest to me.

I know that some aspies out there have a very difficult time with people like that.  They don't like it when people go on and on and on, but I guess no one really does exactly.  But to an aspie it can be rather uncomfortable.

Now here's something interesting.  Aspies have sensory issues on that.  Then other aspies don't.  And then there are aspies that do just that.  But they go on and on about the same thing and the only real interest they have, going into every detail with the NT, aspie, whatever, not understanding, because the aspie has so much knowledge of that one subject and not filling in details to help clarify what they're talking about.  It's hard for some aspies to acknowledge that not everybody understands some of the necessary details the person would need to know to understand.

I talk to my parents or relatives or whomever else I know about my computers and occasionally, if I'm even that talkative and I usually am not, I get into what I'm saying and I'll say something about my laptop coming with an Intel i5 processor instead of an i3 that was advertised and being pleasantly surprised by it.  And getting the response as a question like "Is that good?"  I'm always into the technical specs of a machine.  Or when I can't beat an enemy in an rpg, I'll just say I need to level up more.  That prompts the response, "What do you mean?"  RPGs seem to be a niche market where only certain types of gamers enjoy that kind of thing and they have an expansive knowledge of how those games play out, including the leveling system, character stats, what their abilities are, etc.  And people outside looking at it are thinking "what the hell is all that?" or "I totally don't understand this game you're playing."

And now you see what I mean, I've gone on for at least a little bit on the subjects that interest me.  Technology and video games, specifically RPGs.  So basically we might have a bigger knowledge of things and quite simply not understanding how to explain it to someone else that isn't into that sort of thing.  And we get the same way with NTs.  We don't get them either sometimes.

But all in all who understands everyone or anyone enough?  We may bother NTs or even other aspies.  And sometimes even NTs get to us, even though we might understand what they're talking about.  So are you an aspie that talks a lot on one subject?  Or does socializing with someone that talks an awful lot even if they are NTs?

Monday, July 11, 2011

Ever have a thing for an anime character? Is anime more real to you?

I have to admit I've had things for certain anime characters.  Certain female anime characters.  And to me I just feel more when I watch certain animes with emotion in them like "Clannad" or "Air".  I actually have emotional outlets with them that I can't seem to have in real life.

Anyways, what this was originally supposed to be about was having a certain thing for certain characters, not necessarily in emotional scenes or animes.  I used to have a big thing for Ukyou Kuonji from "Ranma 1/2."  I really miss seeing the vhs recordings we had of them.  I think I'm going to collect that on dvd next.  Ukyou was this spatula wielding tomboy.  She had the looks I like in a girl.  Long black hair and cute.  That basically sums it up there.  Of course the anime wouldn't be complete without all the "Ranma loves who?" stuff.  Come on Ranma, you know you want Ukyou.  You two have a childhood history.

I was then big on Sango from "Inuyasha."  Again with the long black hair?  Yeah, yeah.  I have a plushie of her.  Don't think I could get one of Ukyou.  Never did see one.  Wait, same author and the fact that they both wield a giant weapon.  What gives here.  lol  Is there a fetish for giant weapons?  No.  lol.  Coincidence I guess.  

What about Tsabaki from "Soul Eater."  Yep.  Long dark hair and this time she IS a weapon!  Ok, weird.  lol  I swear there's no pattern here as far as weapons.  

So what about you?  Do you have a thing for anime characters?  Do you have more emotion through tv than real life?

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Social Sensory Issues

So, sensory issues.  I think it's a given that I can barely look people in the eyes.  I guess one on one I'm find with people I know, but when in groups or with people I don't know.  Even then, sometimes I keep my eyes in close proximity of the person, but not in their eyes most of the time.  That's a problem.  And this is expected in social interaction.  In fact, in the world we live in, it's imperative.

Being around people isn't so much a problem.  I can walk into a Walmart and look around a lot.  I hang out in the electronics section a lot.  I don't particularly like being asked if someone can help me.  If I want help with something, I'll ask, thank you.

I've had jobs in the past where I had to interact with people and that's an issue, especially with customers.  That was totally a bad move on my part, taking that job.  But I may have said it in a past post, but I didn't have a diagnosis of such for AS, so I thought I could do it.  In fact I was using it as a way to get data entry experience for a desk job.  I now have 4 years experience for that, now, so hopefully that wasn't such a bad move after all.  Anyways, the crowds, the larger they were the worse they were.  It became more exhausting to talk to people.  I talked as little as necessary or less than necessary (more appropriately).  I got worse and worse at the job, because with all the sensory issues, I just didn't even want to try anymore.

Here's another problem.  I have this female friend that I've known for a good chunk of my life that has been there for me at times and I'm glad she was and still is, but she likes to "try" to make me smile.  She knows I have AS.  I've told her on more than a couple occasions that I'm not comfortable with being poked and prodded several times or tickled.  I don't care if she wasn't married and I was looking at her as a gf, I just don't like that.

Once I get used to people I can take a hug once in a while.  I guess in that sense I'm like a cat, if I want it, I'll let you know.  Otherwise, leave me be.  I need my space.

In the end if I get too much of any of these social sensory issues, I need a nap or something.  Frankly, it's exhausting.