Ending a chapter in my life that was already over

Not long ago, maybe a few months.  I was still very angry at my former high school (and those going there that gave problems) for not taking the appropriate action in addressing my problems.  To me it was all about them trying to stop me from making trouble when I was the victim in it all.

I used to blow my top at the slightest snide remake made about me or to me.  Mild to moderate, I was bullied.  I was the victim.  I made it a point and I shouted out loud that I was always the victim and that I was being singled out for "behavioral problems."  The gave me counseling.  They did everything to shut me up.  Still I persisted.  My meltdowns continued throughout my high school life.  And for years after I would not let it go.  I was so pissed about it and I would never ever let it go until someone turned back the clock and literally just made everyone act like decent human beings.  In the end of 12th grade I was isolated a lot to do my school work in peace.

But I have come to an understanding.  I didn't know about aspergers or mild autism.  They didn't either.  I didn't know why I was different.  They didn't either.  I didn't know why I was singled out.  They had their own ideas.  I didn't know why I couldn't just ignore it and move on.  Neither did they.  I had no idea how to get over their abusive words.  The school.  The counseling.  They didn't help.  They didn't know how.  They didn't know about aspergers.  They didn't know that I was mildly autistic.  We didn't know.

How can they help what they don't understand?  How can I get help when even I didn't understand myself?  In the end how can I blame ignorance?  How can I blame someone that hasn't got the foggiest what they're up against?  So that's it.  I have no choice but to forgive.  How do you forgive?  You forgive, because they don't understand.  They don't know your thoughts  They can't feel the same way you do.  You can't read minds.  They can't read yours.  You can tell them everything you know how to tell them, but that doesn't help either, does it?  No.  Telling someone something doesn't change anything.  They have to FEEL what you feel.  They have to truly dig deep into your mind.  They would have to be a bloody mind reader!

Forget it!  Forgive it!  And move on.  Come to the understanding that they cannot understand without being you for a little while.  There's no cure for their ignorance.  The only thing you can do is let it go.  Let things slide.  Forgive it.  Forget it.  And move on...