I usually like to be by myself, but inside there is a longing to be with other people. Unfortunately if they don't share my interests, then they don't interest me much. And it's probably a bad generalization to say that everyone in my rural area thinks about cars, farms, country music, and drinking. But that seems to be what this place is all about. There are tons of garages and mechanics around. There are people with special cars with their windows down blaring Toby Keith through their car stereos. And just looking all around me there seems to be nothing but horses and cows and fences as far as I can see. I'm miles from any big city and even the closest one is full of the same people and a country music station. Now I do like a little country music, but when I was in HS I just went along with my parents on everything. "Rock music is nothing, but noise, today," they'd say. So country was my safe choice, but I've grown bored of it and I grew up and I got into my "I don't have to listen or believe everything they tell me," stage. I have a mind of my own.
My influences were the very few or maybe just one or two people that knew about anime. Other influences followed. Instead of our backwoods cable company offering just CMT (Country Music Television), they added VH1, so I did get a little more music influence. The internet came around and I started using that in the second half of 1996. So, maybe music is the thing that I share a common interest in with many people around here, now, knowing that even around here music influence is almost just as varied as anywhere else.
Anyways being the loner I was, I spent my time online. Later came cable internet and better PCs and so there were anime fansubs to download and watch. Money was scarce and I finally bought a gaming system of my own and games. My influences primarily came from online websites, online friends, and gaming sites. This was what I found interesting to me. Computers, the internet, anime, various music tastes, video games and various things people around here, I feel, know nothing about.
So how do I start a conversation with people? Maybe interest in music, since that is by far the most varied interest I have. My music playlists have country, oldies, pop, a tiny bit of rap, alternative, rock, violin, movie soundtracks, classical, j-pop, j-rock, some metal, a tiny bit of industrial, musicals, electronica, 80's...ok I think that sums it up as much as I can. lol. But beyond that I could start talking about anime.... "What's anime?" "Is that them Japanese cartoon porn things?" "Cartoons are for kids." That about shows the attitude I'm afraid I'd run into. PCs, well there are a few people that can work their way around and find the settings to fix just about anything and everything around here, but really most people at least just know how to work them and would rather start asking me questions like "My internet isn't working. Can you help me?" My son over in whatchamacalitville says I need a router or something to hook up my other things. What's a router?" "My computer's slow." Well, ok, so I guess that's another place for me to start. Maybe I can get to know people, because I can help them with computers. But really, I can't be asked to solve everyone's problems. I'm just one guy and on top of that, I've run into computer problems of my own, mostly on my parents' computer, that I haven't figured out yet. Personally I just think my parents need a new PC as it's slower than molasses.
I don't know. Maybe there's hope for me yet. After writing all this I may have realized something. Anime aside, there isn't anyone around here that wouldn't be interested in me. Maybe I should go around saying "I like computers." Or "I'm into all sorts of music." Surely there's someone around here that'd appreciate me for those. And video games? I may be surprised at what I may find out about people and what they play.
But there is still this general uninterest about me, that I can't seem to get over. If I happen to have a handheld device in my pocket or something, I'm more likely to play with that than talk to someone. I'd rather be playing a game or watching an anime, than talk to someone new. Somehow I just don't like to be bored and I like to stay in my general interest areas. I need to start doing things to keep myself from getting bored or I need to stop worrying about how bored I am when doing something or talking to someone.
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