One thing that perplexes me a little bit about the behavior of Neurotypicals is their ability to be totally different people from one moment to the next. I've seen people act real pleasant and nice to someone and then, the next day gripe about them in such a way that they don't even want them around.
Ok, so you're really nice to this person and you talk to them and exchange a lot of pleasant words to them, but you secretly hate their guts? If it were me and I didn't like the person, I'd probably either avoid them or talk like I was in a hurry and didn't really want their company at the moment. I wouldn't just be so sweet and nice and chipper. I'd be indifferent. And If disliked them bad enough, I'd be honest with them and that I didn't want to talk to them and then just tell them to back off and just avoid them. I don't know. I just don't see the point in pretending, not that I can. If I don't like you, then you're going to know it. If I'm neutral, you may not know anything. But I'm simply observing people blatantly acting the opposite of how they feel about someone towards that person.
And then there are people that talk about you behind your back. I honestly don't know what people say behind my back and I'm pretty sure I like it that way, but somehow people talk and say bad things about another person behind their back. It's kind of cool by me that if you don't like someone, you can say it to someone else. And if you're going to say something about someone, it should at least be confirmed truth. I'd much prefer to say "This is what I'm hearing, but don't take it as truth," but we all know where that will go anyway, so might as well not even do that much. I pretty much avoid saying to someone, "Oh, this person said that about you." This is actually something I've done before when I didn't know any better. Say like I'm trying to be like everyone else. Well, I don't do that now and you end up being the one yelled at anyway, so might as well just "zip it." Anyways, I hear person A talk to person B about person C and then another day person C might talk trash about person A, also with Person C and person C won't be neutral when discussing it. It's sort of like "I know!" and then go on to say something else about A or C. I've personally been talked to about someone I know that I get along with. I don't just go "I know it!" and then say something I don't like about the person. I simply nod like "Yeah, whatever." I shrug it off like I don't care or I'm not really listening.
I see the middle person getting into more trouble when they indulging the other person that's talking about someone behind their back. I mean, you kind of get to the point where you run the risk of being the friend of neither one. That's how I see it. But these two things are what I see NTs doing that I don't fully understand. Especially the first one. I guess since aspies are generally authentic, they don't have to pretend they like someone real well. They either put up with them and don't say a word or they are consistent enough to avoid the person or shrug them off when being talked to by them, while complaining to someone else about them. We don't really try to wear a mask and play make believe. It's a hard social game that we can't invest our energy in.
Actually, many NTs also avoid people whom they would rather not be around. If they must be around them, they might only say the minimum necessary to avoid conflict. Relationships at work can be like that, as one doesn't get to pick their coworkers and everyone must be able to get along together if they hope to keep their jobs.
ReplyDeleteAs for those NTs (and Aspies) who are nice to someone to their face yet gossip about them in the company of others, it's really all about social bonding. People who do this are seeking to bond by discussing their likes and dislikes with respect to other people. Some people do this in a positive or neutral manner, while others can be downright nasty. Think of this practice as a form of social grooming, the human equivalent of primates engaged in a mutual lice-picking fest.