Sad But True...Emotional Disconnections

I quite often feel disconnected from people emotionally.  Whether part of it is fear or something I can only describe as a uncomfortable ickyness.  This is causing me some problems or at least it will with finding someone for me.  I do want closeness with someone, but I fluctuate from an idea of being close to the people I do know feeling uncomfortable and weird to...well just okay.  I've never been the hugging type.  I have a friend from HS that likes to hug and there's even someone from work that does that on the rare chance I happen to stop by the store she works at for something and she's there.  I usually don't reciprocate or I don't feel any connection at all, if I even try to do the same.  It doesn't always feel uncomfortable, but when it doesn't I tend to not feel anything or I feel a little bit.

It's been suggested to me at one time or another that I even can start out as friends with someone and it can turn into more, but if I go into something, not expecting much more, then it just feels icky to have that idea.  Like the idea of dating a sibling.  That kind of bleh.  They're saying I could try, but when you feel like that, you just can't.

I can't even go see my friends or rather ask them if they'd like to hang out.  Surely I'd say yes now and then if asked, but I don't really like to make the first contact with that question.  I guess that's kind of off the topic.  I don't know.

All I know is that emotions can bug the heck out of me and the only time I don't mind them is if I'm watching anime with dramatic moments and feel the need to let some tears go.  That I like.  It's kind of like emotionally being drawn to something that can't judge you even the slightest.  (Is that why I disconnect?  judgement?)  It's also kind of like letting out things that I feel uncomfortable doing with people.  Surely I feel empathetic towards people, but the showing that I care enough is kind of draining and uncomfortable part of the time.  So what can I do.  It just feels "ew" for some reason.  Other times I disconnect enough that I don't mind showing a little something.  I'd sooner show it with a hug than with words.  I'd sooner type it out than say it verbally.  I'd sooner show concern by being there.  By listening.  By helping.  By actions.  But I don't know that I can say them.  The hug is the line between I can't/I can.  It's a sometimes thing when confronted with it.