I don't remember this first thing at all, but I do remember it being talked about and such. Anyways, I was picked in High School about it as if to say I was stupid. Nothing could have been further from the truth. You see what it was they were referring to was the fact that I "fail kindergarten." Actually, I was held back. That was the proper way to say it, since you can't actually fail kindergarten. And from what I was told and how I understand it, it was from a lack of social skills and communication with other kids. I really don't remember much of it, but I do recall (and I hate to admit it) I bullied one kid a little bit, because he smelled funny to me. That was probably during the first year. Another thing it may have been was some other learning issues that usually come with mild autism. Of course the learning issues meant that I thought and learned differently than anyone else, not that I was mentally retarded or anything. Actually I'm quite average and I do have my strengths. I'll get into that in a bit
I did take special reading and special math during my time in elementary school. Reading for me was hard and still is hard mostly because I had a hard time focusing. I read slow and I need to be interested in what I'm reading to get out of it what I'm supposed to 100%. I do like to read, otherwise the net wouldn't hold much for me, but more than that I like reading non-fiction about people I can relate to specifically people that have mild autism. Also books that help me in other ways. Again, they must hold my interest. Now about special math, that helped me a great deal, because as I said, being an aspie means I learn differently. So once I got those building blocks in math, once I got to High School, I did better at math than ...well a good part of the students there. So many people today have a hard time doing head math or some more complicated algebra. But that was where I excelled. Most of the people I know would flunk if they tried even Pre-calc and I started one major in college that required calculus. It was hard, but I the professor was there for me when I had trouble with it. Honestly, as hard as it was I got a good grade in the class and passed it just fine.
I vaguely remember being bullied in school early, that is before HS, but I remember I was punched a couple times and wrestled to the ground at least one other time. Did I try to fit in? Of course. That met with failure. Really it's hard for me to come up with examples. I do remember retaliating verbally to someone that hurt my feelings and of course in those early years, that's even less tolerated before HS. So of course I was punished a lot. I remember one incident where I grabbed someone's arm and shook it, because the person was talking crap to me. She had milk in her hand and some of it got onto a teacher's shoes. I'm sorry, but I felt resentful of the moment he made me clean his shoes, because I would have spit on him for making me do it instead of the person that I was trying to get back at. I know revenge is never good, but in my mind, if you have it coming, then you better accept your punishment from me and take it like a man or woman or whatever. Own up to your foolishness, I always say.
I know that it was wrong for me to act out in revenge and I still have anger issues. Often times I'm still angry about these things. I don't resort to physical violence and if I feel the need I'd just assume hit and object. Something that's hard. The harder it is, the better.
I resented a lot of the teachers for a long time after that. Even now I don't like them much. A lot of them, I would report something to them or I wouldn't do so well on an assignment and instead of resorting to helping me, it just seemed they talked down to me like I was slime. That's no way to reinforce good study habits or failures in assignments. That just makes someone more frustrated. It's like "blah blah blah, are you going to attack me to death with your words or are you going to help me, so I can do better next time?"
Talk about frustration and I'm sorry, but I have to get this out, but it's been bugging me for years. I had a teacher on my last day of school that insisted I had this one book in my possession, because I had signed it out. Well I saw a copy of the book years down the road and thought, "Why in the hell, would I ever read that?" So there's really no question I knew I never signed that book out, I knew I never had it, I knew I never read it or would ever read something about people living in the country side. BLEGH! I saw my signature on it as I remember. Maybe I signed it for whatever reason and had a different book that I returned. Whatever, maybe someone forged it to get me into trouble. Anything is likely at that point, but there was one thing I knew for a fact. I NEVER HAD THAT BLOODY BOOK! *sighs* It feels good to get that out there. I rarely ever talked about the incident and when I did it was always my fault when it was talked about. I never had the book. I would never have read a book on the subject. That's it period. End of story, teach. End of story.
Really, if only the teachers knew what I knew and if only everyone knew what I knew or thought back then, then maybe it'd be a different story, but oh no. You just weren't a sophisticated school staff back then were you. Not like today. Supposedly and hopefully it had gotten better by today's standards.
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