Disabled or Not Able By Employer Standards?

I've struggled wit this little question for a while now.  Am I disabled or is it just the view of all the employers I've had that I don't work up to their standards, whatever that is?  Every job I've had for the most part has had the employer let me go before my diagnosis for reasons I couldn't see up till now.  The last one, I can see the problem more clearly and others in the past, not so much.  "You're not working up to our standards," seems to be the basic reason that it comes down to.

I had a job that was unfortunately only going to be a temp job anyway.  In this job I was more or less running this easy peasy software that allowed me to scan in accounting records for (unnamed company), because they were in legal trouble.  The documents, as far as I could tell, went in without a hitch and even a few around me said they could believe they were getting paid so much for this job, because it was easy.  So why did they let me go?  It was easy, right?  I certainly thought it was.  But here comes that bare bones answer.  "You weren't working up to our standards."  Could they be any less clear?  I didn't even think to ask them why and I don't know if it would have mattered anyway.  I was let go and that was that.

Some things do restrict me.  Working at a grocery store was a bad move.  I worked there awhile till the sensory overload got the better of me and I kept telling myself at the end that I wasn't giving up, but they asked me to quit, but there's where I knew why.  It's a social job that I was doing or rather wasn't doing very well at.  I certainly wasn't the man for the job.

So what about other jobs.  What made me so bad that I couldn't scan simple documents?  I can see some of my disabilities, but surely I can have a job doing something and make a simple living.  I know I can.  First there are so few jobs that I can take advantage of around here, so that makes one thing difficult and the other thing I kind of question whether society has something to do with it.  Yes, an employer must, if they can, accommodate for you once hired, if hired.  But I would need some assistance to get into these jobs.  Also a lot of jobs, if I'm not mistaken, need to have at least a couple disabled people to show they are accommodating.

One part of society looks down on me saying "Get a job!"   And then there's the employers of America saying "You don't work to our standards."  What a dilemma.  Society can see that I can work.  I can see my strengths and weaknesses.  But employers just look at potential employees and are very critical.  You just can't win in the job world when it comes to having Aspergers.

So, what is it?  Neurodiverse minded people say it's our society's fault and we are not disabled.  While the other people, and I sit in the middle wondering, say they are disabled, because we have weaknesses.

Started Skyrim Again

So my computer is working as it should again for the most part.  Not worry about anything else.  All the programs are on it that should be, pics, mp3s, videos, etc.

So I'm playing Skyrim again.  I started 2 weeks after mostly fixing the problem.  I'm really enjoying the game again.  I'm taking it into the right direction.  Trying to keep my path in the game mostly ethical.  I'm not joining "The Dark Brotherhood" or "The Thieves Guild."  Some areas of the game are kinda in the grey area.  Like you need to become a werewolf to fully become one of the companions.  I can cure myself later, if I want, but there's really no bad thing about being a werewolf on the game really.  There's fear among the people, so I better not either use the power or change while a guard or someone else is looking.  But really when you become a werewolf, as long as you don't murder any innocents or do anything really bad, there's no real serious ethical issue.

But that's kind of how I play.  I try to keep on the straight and narrow, but there really are a lot of grey areas in the game's ethics.

I wasn't going to start doing alchemy, but at some point, after having picked up so many random ingredients, I thought I'd just fiddle with it and it's really interesting and fun.  So I'm actually crafting and enhancing and enchanting weapons and armor and that's a great part of the game.  It may seem dull to do to some people, but you need to break up the monotony of doing all those missions to some degree.  And it's the outcome of crafting that makes things in the game so fun.  That sense of accomplishment in it.

I'm so happy I've got a computer that can play the game as well as it does.  There's a enhanced graphics DLC for free that I can get, but it's not suggested unless your computer's specs all exceed the recommendations (note: not requirements) by a good degree.  If I had a better video card, I'd consider it.  I think it's fine as it is, though.

This game is going to last me a long time.  I haven't gotten far enough into it to marry anyone, but I plan on doing that, too.  I've furnished my first house in Whiterun.  It doesn't look like messy crap anymore.  Keeping my weapons and etc in a trunk, so I can enchant them later.  I think I will greatly enjoy Skyrim.

High Anxiety Levels

A lot of aspies don't get super anxious like me.  When they do it passes quicker.  I have a few anxieties and my biggest one has to do with my computers or mostly my main one.

I backup everything in more than one place, whether it be in the cloud like iTunes or on a separate hard drive.  So, why worry, they're not going to all go out at once.  Pfffft.  Of course not.  Even game saves get backed up.  Computer....Steam cloud.  Playstation....Playstation+.  What do I have to worry about?  So my computer may have to be fixed.  And it was finally over the past few days.  For the most part anyway.

So when something goes wrong enough with it that I feel I have to take the drastic measure of erasing my main drive and reinstalling everything, my anxiety shoots through the roof.  I worry about my backups.  I worry that it won't get fixed.  But why?  What's the worst that can happen?  I have backups.  I have a desktop and a laptop. I lose one and I have another temporarily.  (Can't play Skyrim on my laptop, of course...)  I don't have a lot of money, but what I do have are the skills to fix a computer.  I just hate fixing my own.

It's my aspie attachment to computers that kind of does it.  I worry so much when my electronics decide to give.  Even my iPhone (which I plan on stopping service on and switch to a pre-pay and use the iPhone as an iPod touch).

So, what do I do.  I'm learning that meditation and music for several minutes at a time is great relief, but I still need to learn when to use it and how long.  I also need to learn to redirect my thoughts when meditating.  I can't imagine clearing my mind like some say they do during meditation.  That's sort of an impossibility.  My mind is always on something.

Ranma 1/2 Live Action?

I guess I'm a little late at finding out about this since this was reported on ANN last year and the movie aired on Japanese TV in December.  But of course no word on an American release just yet.  That didn't stop me from finding a subbed version, not that I am endorsing using torrent sites or anything. >.>

Anyways, I've been getting back into Ranma 1/2 in the last few months and just started watching the show from the beginning, not long ago.  The thought occurred to me "What if this was live action?  What would it be like?"  And I just typed in "Ranma Live Action" into Youtube, not expecting much more than a fan made short.  Boy was I surprised to learn that one existed and was just shown in December.  What a coincidence.

Most of it is pretty much what you'd expect from Ranma, but there are some changes along the way that I was kind of fine with.  These changes weren't anything drastic and didn't change the characters much.  They still behaved in much the same way as always.  I think the biggest complaint would be the lack of Ryoga Hibiki, Shampoo, Ukyou (my personal favorite), and other side characters.  The ones they did include were Dr. Tofu, who is pretty much the school doctor as opposed to a regular doctor.  And of course we have Kuno (nothing different about him here).  There's also the character Gosunkugi.  He is not one I'm all that familiar with.

I've never seen all of the Ranma series before.  Previously the most I've seen were, at first, random episodes scattered through maybe 3 seasons and then there's the first whole season that my brother picked up on DVD quite a while back and now I have my own copy.

All in all, if you are a die hard fan maybe you'd prefer skipping it, if you're really nit picky about changes, but since this doesn't change anything drastic, I don't think most fans will mind.  It's still the same Ranma...just with real people.  So, if you wondered what it would be like as a live action movie, then definitely check into it....but um, try to avoid torrent sites.  Wait for the American release, if and when it gets here. =P

Can't Explain...

Are you an aspie that can't explain things very well or even worse can't do it especially when under pressure? Yeah. That's how I feel a good part of the time. It makes you look ignorant and feel stupid and then all these emotions come in to play.

Well, you're not alone. Believe me. You are not ignorant or stupid. You know exactly what you're talking about, even if others don't. You know why you think a certain way and why you feel a certain way about things around you. You just don't know how to put it in words others will understand. It's frustrating. I know. The best you can hope for is that someone else can help you or they find out some other way. Or just don't worry about it. Besides the same thing can go for NTs at times, too, just less often. People get stuck thinking about their side of things and forget that there are other ways of looking at things. It's kind of undignified. But that's peoold for you.

So just remember that they're about as ignorant as you are. No one knows the answer to everything. You know your logic, sondon't let people tell you you're not making any sense. Because in your mind, you know what you were trying to get across.

Initial Impressions of Windows 8 Consumer Preview (Beta)

Ok, so now we have the beta version, which is a full version of Windows 8, but still possibly buggy.  I have yet to run into any bugs myself, but that could be me.  There hasn't really been anything that hasn't worked on here, save for a few programs I tried for multiple IM clients that would not install.  So basically nothing completely wrong with it, thus far, but I expect there are going to be some bumps along the way since it is, in fact, a beta.

The interface is kind of clunky.  The settings are in two different places.  You've got all your main settings on the desktop screen and then you've got more generalized settings that sum up the experience of the Windows 8 start menu.  Using corners to travel to different parts of the OS seems a bit odd, especially if you're using a touchpad, like on my laptop.  Turning the computer off or restarting it has you going to one corner, clicking settings and then clicking power.  Most people won't think to go to settings to look for a shutdown.  That's not a logical place for most people.  I can't explain everything about it that makes it feel clunky and clumsy, but I think I got the just of it.

Shutdown Part 1

Shutdown Part 2

Start Settings

Comprehensive Settings

The desktop screen where your previous software will run in a window doesn't match the new feel that the interface for future programs are supposed to use in the future, so that makes it feel a little odd.  Programs will generally run full screen, instead of a true window in the future.  This is actually quite nice, but again this kind of mixes up the experience with older software, though most will likely update to a new look.  Updates for your contacts, messages, and weather, are a welcome addition that will be greatly used in the future.  IMs will be great when updated for the new look.

All in all there isn't much else to say about it at this time, but I will keep up to date.